All About English

Ask And You Shall Recieve

All About English

Ask And You Shall Recieve

English Proverb 001

زبامثل آب خوردن

As  easy as abc

مثل آب خوردن

as easy as a pie /apple pie

مثل آب خوردن

as easy as sheling peas

مثل آب خوردن

as easy as anything

مثل گاو خوردن

eat like a hourse

مثل روز

As bright as a day

مثل جن بو داده

As big as all outdoors

مثل خر کار کردن

As busy as a bee/a beaver

مثل کاروانسرا

as busy as grand central station

مثل شب تار

As black as hell

با آسمان شاخ به شاخ شدن

As brave as a lion

مثل کدو

As bare as a bone

مثل کف دست خالی

As bare as the palm of one’s hand

مثل موش کور

As blind as a bat


یک وجب قد دارد یک ورق رو/رویش مثل سنگ پای قزوین است

As bold as brass

مثل زغال

As black as coal

بشنو و باور نکن

As black as one is painted

سگ زرد برادر شغال است

As bad as another

سگ بخورد پیشواز گرگ میرود

as bitter as gull

مثل اینکه مویش  را آتش زده اند

As big as life and twice as ugly

مثل خرس زخمی

Like a bear with a sore head

مثل اجل معلق

Like a bolt from the blue

مثل گرگ گرسنه

Like a bull in china shop

مثل ببر تو خالی

his bark is worse than his bite

مثل خر لنگ بودن

Be lowman on totem pole

مثل یخ

As cold as ice

مثل روز روشن

As clear as a sunny day

مثل اشک جشم

As clear as crystal

مثل خل و چل ها

as crazy as a loom

مثل روباه پیر

As cunning as a fox

مثل روز

As clear as a day

مثل روز روشن

As clear as the nose on one’s face

انگار نه انگار(بی خیال و خونسرد)

As cool as a cucumber

مثل شمر ذالجوشن

as  cruel as nero

مثل آتش و پنبه

Like cotton and fire

مثل ابر بها ری گریه کردن

(she)cries buckets

مثل خانه خاله

as comfortable as an old shoe

مثل خر تو گل گیر کرده

(he) comes to a partty pass

مثل سگ هفت جان دارد

Cats have nine lives

مثل آسمان و ریسمان

as different as chalk and cheese

مثل کبک سرش را زیر برف کرده است

The cat shut its eyes while stealing cream

مثل چوب خشک

 as dry as a bone

مثل چوب خشک /هفت کفن پوسانده

As dead as a doornail

مثل سنگ بی جان

As dead as a dodo

مثل مجسمه

As dumb as a statue

جشم جشم را نمی بیند

As dark as night

مثل بجه هوو

 (she is)at daggers drawn with him

مثل پنجه آفتاب

(she is)of dazzling beauty

مثل مور و ملخ

Dog eats dog

مثل موش آب کشیده

Like a drowned rat

مثل آهو جالاک

As fleet as a deer

مثل پرنده آزاد و رها

as free as a bird

مثل خرس جاق

As fat as a pig

مثل خیک پر شده

As full as a tick

مثل خیک پر شده

As tight as a tick

مثل کاغذ صاف

As flat as  a pancake

مثل ماه شب جهارده

As fair as a rose

مثل یه دسته گل

As fresh as a rose

مثل خروس جنگی

Fight one ,fight anothre,fight all

مثل سگ و گربه میمانند

Fight like cat and dog

مثل اینکه خدا دنیا را بهش داده

Feel like a million bucks

مثل خر تو گل ماندن

Fall down on the job

مثل بره

as gentle as a lamb

مثل یه تکه جواهر

As good as gold

ناخن خشک است

As grasping as a miser

مثل لاک پشت

Go at a crawl

مثل پرنده پر در اورد

As happy as a lark

مثل جهنم گرم و سوزان

As hot as hell

مثل سرب سنگین

As heavy as a lead

مثل سنگ سفت

As hard as nails

مثل فلفل تند

As hot as fire

مثل کوه سر بر فلک کشیده

As high as sky

مثل کوه سر بر فلک کشیده

As high as a kite

مثل گرگ گرسنه

As hungry as a bear

مثل مورچه بی آزار

As harmless as a dove

مثل فرشته معصوم

As innocent as a lamb

مثل برق

In a flash

مثل باد

In nothing flat

مثل فرشته معصوم

As innocent as a dove

مثل کف دست شناختن

Know sth like the back of your hand                                                                          

مثل پر کاه سبک

As light as feather

مثل سیبی که از وسط نصف کرده باشند

As like as two pieces in a pod

مثل ماست شل

As loose as a rope of sand

دزد حاضر بز حاضر

As large as life

مثل آخرین تیر در تیردان

As a last resort

مثل اینکه جن دیده

Look as if he has seen  a ghost

مثل برق

Like a shot

مثل بهشت شداد

A land of flowing with milk and honey

مثل کشتی بی ناخدا

Like a rudderless ship

مثل گوشت قربانی

Like a sheep to the slaughter

مثل اینکه کشتی ها یش غرق شده

Look like one lost one’s best friend

مثل سیبی که ازوسط نصف کرده اند

Like two drops of water

مثل اینکه دنیا روی سرش خراب شده

Look like  one has the weight of the world on one’s shoulder

مثل پلنگ تیر خورده

As mad as a hornet

مثل دیوانه ها

As mad as a hatter

مثل گاو پیشانی سفید

(he is )a marked person

مثل حیوان خوردن

Make a pig out of oneself

مثل یک روح در دو جسم

Mix well with each other

مثل مرغ پر کنده

As naked as a jaybird

مثل عمر نوح

As old as hills                                                                                                           

به اندازه عمر هفت کرکس زندگی کرده

As old as adam

مثل کلاف سر در گم

He opens up a can of worms

مثل استخوانی که در گلو گیر کرده

As a pain in the neck

مثل ایوب صبور

As patient as job

مثل خر

A perfect ass

مثل ریگ بیابان/مثل رستم

As plentiful as blackberries

مثل روز روشن /مثل شتر روی نردبان

As plain as the nose on one’s face

مثل گچ رنگ پریده

As pale as ashes

مثل مرده رنگ پریده

As pale as a ghost

آه ندارد با ناله سودا کند

As poor as a church mouse

مثل ماه شب چهارده

As pretty as a picture

انگار از آسمان افتاده/ستاره را بالای سرش نمی تواند ببیند/انگار از دماغ فیل افتاده/خدا را هم به خدایی قبول ندارد

As proud as peacock

مثل موش

As quiet as a mouse

مثل تیر شهاب

As quick as a wink

مثل شاخ شمشاد

As right as rain

مثل سگ پشیمان شده

He regrets very much

مثل مرغ سر کنده دور خود چرخیدن

Run around like a chicken with its head cut off

مثل اسب وحشی

As stubborn as a mule

مثل برج زهر مار

As sour as a crab

مثل برگ گل

As smooth as a baby’s bottom

مثل مخمل /مثل حریر نرم

As smooth as a velvet

مثل خر

As stupid as a donkey

مثل زعفران نایاب

As scare as hen’s teeth

همانقدر که روی زمین است ده برابر زیر زمین است

As slippery as an eel

مثل کوه استوار

As steady as a rock

مثل خر تو گل گیر کرده

Sinks in the mire

مثل ریگ پول خرج کردن

Send money like water

مثل کنه

Stick like a  leech

مثل روز

See the writing on the wall

مثل پوست پیاز

As thin as the gossamer wings

مثل سر شیر غلیظ

As thick as pea soup

مثل نی قلیان

As thin as a rack

مثل پیازهزار تا تو دارد و هزار تا رو

Things are not always  what they seem

مثل  بید می لرزد

Tremble like an aspen leaf

مثل آب و آتش

Water with fire can not mixed together

مثل اینکه سر بریده در خانه دارد

As if he has a skeleton in the cupboard

مثل خر کار می کند

Work like a horse

مثل پنبه سفید

As white as a sheet

نه به آن شوری شور نه به آن بی نمکی

Enough is as good as a feast

مثل قالی کرمان

She will wear like a horse shoe ,the longer the brighter

مثل قالی کرمان

The more the camomile is trodden on, the faster it grows

مثل برف سفید

As white as snow

مثل اجل معلق

It was out of blue

مثل جن بو داده

He is like a bat out of hell

مثل سگ هار می ماند

He asks for trouble

مثل عثمان بی طرف

He sits on the fence

مثل کارد و پنیر

They hate each other like poison

مثل مرده خشک شده

It freezed his blood

مثل لقمان حکیم

As sober as a judge

مثل گاو پیشانی سفید

He is as well known as the village pump

مثل موش آب کشیده

He is all wet to the skin

مثل یخ بی مزه

As funny as a crutch

مثل بره

As meek as a lamb

مثل موم

As soft as wax

مثل شیشه

As brittle as glass

مثل ببر

As fierce as a tiger

مثل گرگ

As greedy as a wolf

Joke 2009

  

Managers and the boss

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish.

I want to be in the Bahamason a fast boat and have no worries". Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails". Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch".


MORAL OF THE STORY: Always allow the boss to speak first.

Source:ENGLISH-4-ALL 

 

 

دو مدیر یکی طراز اول و یکی طراز دوم به همراه رئیس شان در راه بودند تا به جلسه ای بروند. سر راهشان در پارک با چراغ جادویی روبرو شدند لمسش کردند و غولی ظاهر شد. غول گفت: معمولا هر کسی می تواند سه آرزو بکند اما شما سه نفر هستید پس هر نفرمی تواند یک آرزو بکند.

اما مدیر هیجان زده طراز اول فریاد زد اولین آرزوی من اینه که می خوام در باهاماسن در قایقی تند رو باشم و هیچ نگرانی نداشته باشم. و در یک چشم به هم زدن همین طور هم شد.

اما مدیر طراز دوم نمی توانست ساکت بماند و گفت: " می خوام با دختری زیبا با غذا ها و نوشیدنی های زیاد در فلوریدا باشم". و او هم به آرزویش رسید.

رئیس با خونسردی به غول گفت: " من می خوام این دو تا احمق بعد از نهار به اداره برگردند".

نتیجه اخلاقی داستان: همیشه اجازه بدهید اول رئیس صحبت کند.  

 

 

 

Funny jokes about:

WHY AM I MARRIED?

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

Cocktail party: a party, usually in the early evening, at which alcoholic drinks are served and for which people usually dress formally 
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."


A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of
Africa

a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."


Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
triumph :an important victory or success after a difficult struggle


If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
spouse: a husband or wife

 
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive
him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death "
beat: hit

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Source: English4Persians

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

 

 

 

Short jokes:

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini

Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please! Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
Submitted by Cláudia Almeida

A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.
Submitted by Joe, from Indiana

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
Submitted by kara dolson

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Submitted by Fred G. Stone

"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."

Source: The Internet TESL Journal 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three Fools

There was a big hole in street. It was the cause of many accident and many injuries. One day, three fools were talking about solving this problem. The first one said, “it’s better to rest an ambulance near the hole, so when somebody is injured, he could be carried to a hospital by that ambulance.”  The second one said, “I suggest to build a hospital near it to help injured people.” The third fool said, “These are costly suggestions. It’s better to fill this hole and dig another in front of a big hospital. 

Rest: to stop, usually in a particular place

Costly: expensive

Dig: (digging, dug, dug) to form a hole by moving earth

 

 

 

Jokes in English for the ESL/EFL Classroom

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope

Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!

  

Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)

Submitted by: Maria Zermani

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
Submitted by: Fred

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Submitted by: Monirul Hassan

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Submitted by: Michael Trew

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb

The Internet TESL Journal

 

 

 

A doctor and a lawyer met at a party

 

A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning."

The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.

Interrupted: to stop someone from continuing what they are saying or doing by suddenly speaking to them

Exasperate: to make someone very annoyed by continuing to do something that upsets them

legal :according to the law

bill: request for payment

  

 

 

Two biologists studying caribou in Alaska's back country got a pilot to fly them into the far north to collect some specimens. They were quite successful in their venture and had six big carcasses to take back to their lab. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six caribou. But the pilot objected and told them,"Those caribou carcasses are too heavy, the plane can only take four of them ; you will have to leave two behind."

They argued with the pilot, letting him know that the year before, they had also collected six caribou and that pilot had allowed them to put all six animals aboard. This plane was the exact same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not carry the load and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one biologist said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other biologist. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!"

Caribou :a North American Reindeer (Deer: a large wild animal that can run very fast, eats grass, and has horns)

Back country :(American English) an area, especially in the mountains, away from roads and towns

Specimen :a single example of something, often an animal or plant

Carcass : the body of a dead animal

Aboard: get on ship, Plane, bus…

Wilderness; a large area of land that has never been developed or farmed

Wreckage : the parts of something such as a plane, ship, or building that are left after it has been destroyed in an accident

Crash : to have an accident

With special thanks to Mr. Hejazy

Joke 2008

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag." 

 

 

 

Traditional Persian Kiddy Games

I have a ball roundy rounded, it's red ,white ,blue. When I hit it
against the ground, you have no idea how far it goes. I didn't have
this ball. I did my homeworks well. My dad gave me an Eid gift. Gave me
a rounded ball.

How's Hassan's Cow? she doesn't have neither milk nor tits. They took her milk to India. Marry a Kurdish Woman.
Name her amghezy...Around her hat reddish. Aachin and Vaachin cross one of your legs!

Uncle chain Knitter: Yes. Have you knit my chain? Yes. Did you throw it
behind the mountain? Yes... Father has just arrived....What did he
bring?...... !]

 

 

 

 

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

English4Persians  

 

 

 

Funny Quotes and Thoughts

" Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."

"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf."

"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."

"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights! "

"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "

 

English4Persians

 

 

 

 

Test for Idiocy

 
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutel! y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?

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Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?

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Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:
I may have sent this one before. I! 'm never sure.

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

English4Persians

 

 

 

 

Download: 9988.mp3

The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."
mug = cup


The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, "Next, please."

Download: 9975.mp3

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Download: 9964.mp3

A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The railroad engineer replied.
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

Download: 9978.mp3

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Download: 9990.mp3

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Download: 9989.mp3

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Download: 9976.mp3

  • monk = a religious man who spends much time praying and thinking about religion.
  • monastery = a place where monks live.
  • a vow of silence = a promise not to speak

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"

Copyright (C) 2005 by Charles Kelly

  

 

 

 Never Lie to a Woman A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" You'll love the answer... The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....." English4Persians  

 

 

God is watching

In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching."

Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies...

One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

Source: English4Persians