زبامثل آب خوردن | As easy as abc |
مثل آب خوردن | as easy as a pie /apple pie |
مثل آب خوردن | as easy as sheling peas |
مثل آب خوردن | as easy as anything |
مثل گاو خوردن | eat like a hourse |
مثل روز | As bright as a day |
مثل جن بو داده | As big as all outdoors |
مثل خر کار کردن | As busy as a bee/a beaver |
مثل کاروانسرا | as busy as grand central station |
مثل شب تار | As black as hell |
با آسمان شاخ به شاخ شدن | As brave as a lion |
مثل کدو | As bare as a bone |
مثل کف دست خالی | As bare as the palm of one’s hand |
مثل موش کور | As blind as a bat |
یک وجب قد دارد یک ورق رو/رویش مثل سنگ پای قزوین است | As bold as brass |
مثل زغال | As black as coal |
بشنو و باور نکن | As black as one is painted |
سگ زرد برادر شغال است | As bad as another |
سگ بخورد پیشواز گرگ میرود | as bitter as gull |
مثل اینکه مویش را آتش زده اند | As big as life and twice as ugly |
مثل خرس زخمی | Like a bear with a sore head |
مثل اجل معلق | Like a bolt from the blue |
مثل گرگ گرسنه | Like a bull in china shop |
مثل ببر تو خالی | his bark is worse than his bite |
مثل خر لنگ بودن | Be lowman on totem pole |
مثل یخ | As cold as ice |
مثل روز روشن | As clear as a sunny day |
مثل اشک جشم | As clear as crystal |
مثل خل و چل ها | as crazy as a loom |
مثل روباه پیر | As cunning as a fox |
مثل روز | As clear as a day |
مثل روز روشن | As clear as the nose on one’s face |
انگار نه انگار(بی خیال و خونسرد) | As cool as a cucumber |
مثل شمر ذالجوشن | as cruel as nero |
مثل آتش و پنبه | Like cotton and fire |
مثل ابر بها ری گریه کردن | (she)cries buckets |
مثل خانه خاله | as comfortable as an old shoe |
مثل خر تو گل گیر کرده | (he) comes to a partty pass |
مثل سگ هفت جان دارد | Cats have nine lives |
مثل آسمان و ریسمان | as different as chalk and cheese |
مثل کبک سرش را زیر برف کرده است | The cat shut its eyes while stealing cream |
مثل چوب خشک | as dry as a bone |
مثل چوب خشک /هفت کفن پوسانده | As dead as a doornail |
مثل سنگ بی جان | As dead as a dodo |
مثل مجسمه | As dumb as a statue |
جشم جشم را نمی بیند | As dark as night |
مثل بجه هوو | (she is)at daggers drawn with him |
مثل پنجه آفتاب | (she is)of dazzling beauty |
مثل مور و ملخ | Dog eats dog |
مثل موش آب کشیده | Like a drowned rat |
مثل آهو جالاک | As fleet as a deer |
مثل پرنده آزاد و رها | as free as a bird |
مثل خرس جاق | As fat as a pig |
مثل خیک پر شده | As full as a tick |
مثل خیک پر شده | As tight as a tick |
مثل کاغذ صاف | As flat as a pancake |
مثل ماه شب جهارده | As fair as a rose |
مثل یه دسته گل | As fresh as a rose |
مثل خروس جنگی | Fight one ,fight anothre,fight all |
مثل سگ و گربه میمانند | Fight like cat and dog |
مثل اینکه خدا دنیا را بهش داده | Feel like a million bucks |
مثل خر تو گل ماندن | Fall down on the job |
مثل بره | as gentle as a lamb |
مثل یه تکه جواهر | As good as gold |
ناخن خشک است | As grasping as a miser |
مثل لاک پشت | Go at a crawl |
مثل پرنده پر در اورد | As happy as a lark |
مثل جهنم گرم و سوزان | As hot as hell |
مثل سرب سنگین | As heavy as a lead |
مثل سنگ سفت | As hard as nails |
مثل فلفل تند | As hot as fire |
مثل کوه سر بر فلک کشیده | As high as sky |
مثل کوه سر بر فلک کشیده | As high as a kite |
مثل گرگ گرسنه | As hungry as a bear |
مثل مورچه بی آزار | As harmless as a dove |
مثل فرشته معصوم | As innocent as a lamb |
مثل برق | In a flash |
مثل باد | In nothing flat |
مثل فرشته معصوم | As innocent as a dove |
مثل کف دست شناختن | Know sth like the back of your hand |
مثل پر کاه سبک | As light as feather |
مثل سیبی که از وسط نصف کرده باشند | As like as two pieces in a pod |
مثل ماست شل | As loose as a rope of sand |
دزد حاضر بز حاضر | As large as life |
مثل آخرین تیر در تیردان | As a last resort |
مثل اینکه جن دیده | Look as if he has seen a ghost |
مثل برق | Like a shot |
مثل بهشت شداد | A land of flowing with milk and honey |
مثل کشتی بی ناخدا | Like a rudderless ship |
مثل گوشت قربانی | Like a sheep to the slaughter |
مثل اینکه کشتی ها یش غرق شده | Look like one lost one’s best friend |
مثل سیبی که ازوسط نصف کرده اند | Like two drops of water |
مثل اینکه دنیا روی سرش خراب شده | Look like one has the weight of the world on one’s shoulder |
مثل پلنگ تیر خورده | As mad as a hornet |
مثل دیوانه ها | As mad as a hatter |
مثل گاو پیشانی سفید | (he is )a marked person |
مثل حیوان خوردن | Make a pig out of oneself |
مثل یک روح در دو جسم | Mix well with each other |
مثل مرغ پر کنده | As naked as a jaybird |
مثل عمر نوح | As old as hills |
به اندازه عمر هفت کرکس زندگی کرده | As old as adam |
مثل کلاف سر در گم | He opens up a can of worms |
مثل استخوانی که در گلو گیر کرده | As a pain in the neck |
مثل ایوب صبور | As patient as job |
مثل خر | A perfect ass |
مثل ریگ بیابان/مثل رستم | As plentiful as blackberries |
مثل روز روشن /مثل شتر روی نردبان | As plain as the nose on one’s face |
مثل گچ رنگ پریده | As pale as ashes |
مثل مرده رنگ پریده | As pale as a ghost |
آه ندارد با ناله سودا کند | As poor as a church mouse |
مثل ماه شب چهارده | As pretty as a picture |
انگار از آسمان افتاده/ستاره را بالای سرش نمی تواند ببیند/انگار از دماغ فیل افتاده/خدا را هم به خدایی قبول ندارد | As proud as peacock |
مثل موش | As quiet as a mouse |
مثل تیر شهاب | As quick as a wink |
مثل شاخ شمشاد | As right as rain |
مثل سگ پشیمان شده | He regrets very much |
مثل مرغ سر کنده دور خود چرخیدن | Run around like a chicken with its head cut off |
مثل اسب وحشی | As stubborn as a mule |
مثل برج زهر مار | As sour as a crab |
مثل برگ گل | As smooth as a baby’s bottom |
مثل مخمل /مثل حریر نرم | As smooth as a velvet |
مثل خر | As stupid as a donkey |
مثل زعفران نایاب | As scare as hen’s teeth |
همانقدر که روی زمین است ده برابر زیر زمین است | As slippery as an eel |
مثل کوه استوار | As steady as a rock |
مثل خر تو گل گیر کرده | Sinks in the mire |
مثل ریگ پول خرج کردن | Send money like water |
مثل کنه | Stick like a leech |
مثل روز | See the writing on the wall |
مثل پوست پیاز | As thin as the gossamer wings |
مثل سر شیر غلیظ | As thick as pea soup |
مثل نی قلیان | As thin as a rack |
مثل پیازهزار تا تو دارد و هزار تا رو | Things are not always what they seem |
مثل بید می لرزد | Tremble like an aspen leaf |
مثل آب و آتش | Water with fire can not mixed together |
مثل اینکه سر بریده در خانه دارد | As if he has a skeleton in the cupboard |
مثل خر کار می کند | Work like a horse |
مثل پنبه سفید | As white as a sheet |
نه به آن شوری شور نه به آن بی نمکی | Enough is as good as a feast |
مثل قالی کرمان | She will wear like a horse shoe ,the longer the brighter |
مثل قالی کرمان | The more the camomile is trodden on, the faster it grows |
مثل برف سفید | As white as snow |
مثل اجل معلق | It was out of blue |
مثل جن بو داده | He is like a bat out of hell |
مثل سگ هار می ماند | He asks for trouble |
مثل عثمان بی طرف | He sits on the fence |
مثل کارد و پنیر | They hate each other like poison |
مثل مرده خشک شده | It freezed his blood |
مثل لقمان حکیم | As sober as a judge |
مثل گاو پیشانی سفید | He is as well known as the village pump |
مثل موش آب کشیده | He is all wet to the skin |
مثل یخ بی مزه | As funny as a crutch |
مثل بره | As meek as a lamb |
مثل موم | As soft as wax |
مثل شیشه | As brittle as glass |
مثل ببر | As fierce as a tiger |
مثل گرگ | As greedy as a wolf |
Managers and the boss
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamason a fast boat and have no worries". Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails". Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch".
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always allow the boss to speak first.
Source:ENGLISH-4-ALL
دو مدیر یکی طراز اول و یکی طراز دوم به همراه رئیس شان در راه بودند تا به جلسه ای بروند. سر راهشان در پارک با چراغ جادویی روبرو شدند لمسش کردند و غولی ظاهر شد. غول گفت: معمولا هر کسی می تواند سه آرزو بکند اما شما سه نفر هستید پس هر نفرمی تواند یک آرزو بکند.
اما مدیر هیجان زده طراز اول فریاد زد اولین آرزوی من اینه که می خوام در باهاماسن در قایقی تند رو باشم و هیچ نگرانی نداشته باشم. و در یک چشم به هم زدن همین طور هم شد.
اما مدیر طراز دوم نمی توانست ساکت بماند و گفت: " می خوام با دختری زیبا با غذا ها و نوشیدنی های زیاد در فلوریدا باشم". و او هم به آرزویش رسید.
رئیس با خونسردی به غول گفت: " من می خوام این دو تا احمق بعد از نهار به اداره برگردند".
نتیجه اخلاقی داستان: همیشه اجازه بدهید اول رئیس صحبت کند.
Funny jokes about:
WHY AM I MARRIED?
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
Cocktail party: a party, usually in the early evening, at which alcoholic drinks are served and for which people usually dress formally
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. triumph :an important victory or success after a difficult struggle
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. spouse: a husband or wife
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive
him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death " beat: hit
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Source: English4Persians
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Short jokes:
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink. Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please! Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico
Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi. Submitted by Cláudia Almeida
A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave. Submitted by Joe, from Indiana
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account. Submitted by kara dolson
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it. Submitted by Fred G. Stone
"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."
"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."
Source: The Internet TESL Journal
Three Fools
There was a big hole in street. It was the cause of many accident and many injuries. One day, three fools were talking about solving this problem. The first one said, “it’s better to rest an ambulance near the hole, so when somebody is injured, he could be carried to a hospital by that ambulance.” The second one said, “I suggest to build a hospital near it to help injured people.” The third fool said, “These are costly suggestions. It’s better to fill this hole and dig another in front of a big hospital.
Rest: to stop, usually in a particular place
Costly: expensive
Dig: (digging, dug, dug) to form a hole by moving earth
Jokes in English for the ESL/EFL Classroom
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)
Submitted by: Maria Zermani
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before! Submitted by: Fred
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. Submitted by: Monirul Hassan
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" Submitted by: Michael Trew
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning."
The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.
Interrupted: to stop someone from continuing what they are saying or doing by suddenly speaking to them
Exasperate: to make someone very annoyed by continuing to do something that upsets them
legal :according to the law
bill: request for payment
Two biologists studying caribou in Alaska's back country got a pilot to fly them into the far north to collect some specimens. They were quite successful in their venture and had six big carcasses to take back to their lab. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six caribou. But the pilot objected and told them,"Those caribou carcasses are too heavy, the plane can only take four of them ; you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with the pilot, letting him know that the year before, they had also collected six caribou and that pilot had allowed them to put all six animals aboard. This plane was the exact same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not carry the load and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one biologist said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other biologist. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!"
Caribou :a North American Reindeer (Deer: a large wild animal that can run very fast, eats grass, and has horns)
Back country :(American English) an area, especially in the mountains, away from roads and towns
Specimen :a single example of something, often an animal or plant
Carcass : the body of a dead animal
Aboard: get on ship, Plane, bus…
Wilderness; a large area of land that has never been developed or farmed
Wreckage : the parts of something such as a plane, ship, or building that are left after it has been destroyed in an accident
Crash : to have an accident
With special thanks to Mr. Hejazy
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag."
Traditional Persian Kiddy Games
I have a ball roundy rounded, it's red ,white ,blue. When I hit it
against the ground, you have no idea how far it goes. I didn't have
this ball. I did my homeworks well. My dad gave me an Eid gift. Gave me
a rounded ball.
How's Hassan's Cow? she doesn't have neither milk nor tits. They took her milk to India. Marry a Kurdish Woman.
Name her amghezy...Around her hat reddish. Aachin and Vaachin cross one of your legs!
Uncle chain Knitter: Yes. Have you knit my chain? Yes. Did you throw it
behind the mountain? Yes... Father has just arrived....What did he
bring?...... !]
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Funny Quotes and Thoughts
" Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."
"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf."
"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights! "
"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."
"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "
Test for Idiocy
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready? GO!!!
First Question:
Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutel! y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!
Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?
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Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?
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Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
I may have sent this one before. I! 'm never sure.
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
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He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!
PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
Download: 9988.mp3
The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."mug = cup
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, "Next, please."
Download: 9975.mp3
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Download: 9964.mp3
A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The railroad engineer replied.
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
Download: 9978.mp3
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Download: 9990.mp3
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
Download: 9989.mp3
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Download: 9976.mp3
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
Copyright (C) 2005 by Charles Kelly
Never Lie to a Woman A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" You'll love the answer... The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....." English4Persians
God is watching
In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching."
Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies...
One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Source: English4Persians