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Ask And You Shall RecieveAll About English
Ask And You Shall RecieveSMS-JOKE 001
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
(G.K.Chesterton)
شیوه دوست داشتن هر چیز آن است که بپذیریم که چه بسا زمانی از دست خواهد رفت.
Memory is the thing you forget with.
(Alexander Chase)
حافظه همان چیزی است که خاطرات را با آن به فراموشی می سپارید.
When everyone is wrong, everyone is right.
(Nivelle de la Chaussee)
آن هنگام که همگان در اشتباهند همان زمانی است که همگی درست می گویند.
به نام خدا
سلام عرض میکنم خدمت دوستان امروز یک تعداد اس ام اس های عاشقانه براتون آماده کردم که البته به زبان انگلیسی هستند. خوب این هم میتونه یه روش نوین در یادگیری زبان انگلیسی باشه. چون توی هر پیام ممکنه یک یا چند لغت جدید براتون باشه که اگه یادشون بگیرین وبعد پیام رو برای برای دوستانتون هم بفرستین اونا هم مجبورن ترجمه کنند تا بفهمن پس هم اطلاعات انگلیسی شما زیاد میشه و هم دوستان شما. امیدوارم خوشتون بیاد.
Send lovely SMS for your dear friends.
I am in hospital now
I am in hospital now. After 5 minutes, I will be transferred to a surgery room. The doctor told me, I will die if I stop RECEIVING YOUR SMS.
if you fall in love there is no hope
If you fall in river there is a boat .. if you fall in well there is rope .. but if you fall in love there is no hope
If U delete this message
If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. .. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me .. & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with It?
Do you believe in love at first sight
Do you believe in love at first sight .. or do I have to walk by again??
Love is sweet poison
Love is sweet poison: .. Do not consume without your beloved's advise .. and keep out of reach of children .. and keep it in cool and dark place.
You are like the sunshine
You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet... you are like you... and that's the reason why I love you!
circles go on forever
If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever
L O V E .. L = Lake of Sorrows
L O V E .. L = Lake of Sorrows .. O = Ocean of Tears .. V = Valley of Death .. E = End of life....
You must be a good runner
You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always...
can I have "U"?
I have the "I",I have the "L",I have the "O",I have the "V",I have the
"E",... so pls can I have "U"?
you are the only one for me?
What I feel for you,is really true. You got to know,I need you so. When you are gone,I can't go on. Can't you see, that you are the only one for me?
Love is like a golden chain tLove is like a golden chain that links our hearts together and if you ever break that chain youll break my heart 4ever!
sweet as a rose bud brightsweet as a rose bud bright as a star cute as a kitten thats what u are.bundles of joy sunshine and fun you are everything i luv all rolled into 1
I have liked many but lovedI have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.
Sometimes My eyes get jealouse
Sometimes My eyes get jealouse of my Heart!!!
You Know Why?Bcoz.....You Always Remain close to my HEART n far from my EYES.
uv been called b4 cupidsuv been called b4 cupids court 4 stealin my heart.trespassin in my dreams & robin me of my senses.uv been sentened 2 a lifetime wiv me- how do u plead?
I love so much my heart is sure I love so much my heart is sure.As time goes on I love you more,Your happy smile.Your loving face, no one will ever take your
Ur only mine wen i dream.wenUr only mine wen i dream.wen i wake i wanna scream.ur not mine im all alone.i can only text u on my fone.do dreams lie or r dey true-i hope so cos babes i want u!
I believe that God aboveI believe that God above created u for me to luv.he picked you out from all the rest cos he knew id luv you the best!
Girl ur clever girl ur smart.Girl ur clever girl ur smart.girl ur like a work of art.girl ur sexy girl ur fine.d only thing u aint is mine!
WHAT IS LOVE? L FOR LAND WHAT IS LOVE? L FOR LAND OF SORROW.O FOR OCEAN OF TERAS. V FOR VELLEY OF DEATH. E FOR END OF LIFE.MISS U ALL TIME
today a few drops of blood today a few drops of blood fell down of my heart and when i asked why the response was "There was someone very cruel in yours heat that forced us to come out.
L is for lustL is for lust
O is for over
v is for very loveable
e is for ever
the 4 signs of love
Love is just like lifeLove is just like life, its not always easy and does not always bring happiness. but when we do not stop living why should we stop loving
*Remember me like pressed flower in ur Notebook.It may not b having any fragrance,but will remind u of my existence 4ever in ur life...
*My love that shall not die, till the sun grows cold, and the stars grow old
*Love is like swallowing hot chocolate, it takes you by surprise at firts, but keeps you warm for a long time
*My love for you is a journey, starting at forever and ending at never
*Dont give password of our Love and friendship to anybody,Because if u will say this password "I LOVE U" It means he will hack u from me and u will go out from my hands.
Joke 2009
Managers and the boss
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamason a fast boat and have no worries". Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails". Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch".
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always allow the boss to speak first.
Source:ENGLISH-4-ALL
دو مدیر یکی طراز اول و یکی طراز دوم به همراه رئیس شان در راه بودند تا به جلسه ای بروند. سر راهشان در پارک با چراغ جادویی روبرو شدند لمسش کردند و غولی ظاهر شد. غول گفت: معمولا هر کسی می تواند سه آرزو بکند اما شما سه نفر هستید پس هر نفرمی تواند یک آرزو بکند.
اما مدیر هیجان زده طراز اول فریاد زد اولین آرزوی من اینه که می خوام در باهاماسن در قایقی تند رو باشم و هیچ نگرانی نداشته باشم. و در یک چشم به هم زدن همین طور هم شد.
اما مدیر طراز دوم نمی توانست ساکت بماند و گفت: " می خوام با دختری زیبا با غذا ها و نوشیدنی های زیاد در فلوریدا باشم". و او هم به آرزویش رسید.
رئیس با خونسردی به غول گفت: " من می خوام این دو تا احمق بعد از نهار به اداره برگردند".
نتیجه اخلاقی داستان: همیشه اجازه بدهید اول رئیس صحبت کند.
Funny jokes about:
WHY AM I MARRIED?
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
Cocktail party: a party, usually in the early evening, at which alcoholic drinks are served and for which people usually dress formally
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. triumph :an important victory or success after a difficult struggle
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. spouse: a husband or wife
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive
him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death " beat: hit
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Source: English4Persians
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Short jokes:
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink. Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please! Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico
Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi. Submitted by Cláudia Almeida
A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave. Submitted by Joe, from Indiana
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account. Submitted by kara dolson
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it. Submitted by Fred G. Stone
"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."
"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."
Source: The Internet TESL Journal
Three Fools
There was a big hole in street. It was the cause of many accident and many injuries. One day, three fools were talking about solving this problem. The first one said, “it’s better to rest an ambulance near the hole, so when somebody is injured, he could be carried to a hospital by that ambulance.” The second one said, “I suggest to build a hospital near it to help injured people.” The third fool said, “These are costly suggestions. It’s better to fill this hole and dig another in front of a big hospital.
Rest: to stop, usually in a particular place
Costly: expensive
Dig: (digging, dug, dug) to form a hole by moving earth
Jokes in English for the ESL/EFL Classroom
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)
Submitted by: Maria Zermani
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before! Submitted by: Fred
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. Submitted by: Monirul Hassan
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" Submitted by: Michael Trew
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning."
The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.
Interrupted: to stop someone from continuing what they are saying or doing by suddenly speaking to them
Exasperate: to make someone very annoyed by continuing to do something that upsets them
legal :according to the law
bill: request for payment
Two biologists studying caribou in Alaska's back country got a pilot to fly them into the far north to collect some specimens. They were quite successful in their venture and had six big carcasses to take back to their lab. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six caribou. But the pilot objected and told them,"Those caribou carcasses are too heavy, the plane can only take four of them ; you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with the pilot, letting him know that the year before, they had also collected six caribou and that pilot had allowed them to put all six animals aboard. This plane was the exact same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not carry the load and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one biologist said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other biologist. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!"
Caribou :a North American Reindeer (Deer: a large wild animal that can run very fast, eats grass, and has horns)
Back country :(American English) an area, especially in the mountains, away from roads and towns
Specimen :a single example of something, often an animal or plant
Carcass : the body of a dead animal
Aboard: get on ship, Plane, bus…
Wilderness; a large area of land that has never been developed or farmed
Wreckage : the parts of something such as a plane, ship, or building that are left after it has been destroyed in an accident
Crash : to have an accident
With special thanks to Mr. Hejazy
English SMS And Quote
my eye , miss u ; my lips , love u; my hand,need u ; my mind, call u; my life, is 4u; my heart, just 4u
Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The Main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
~John Steinbeck
